Thoughts On ‘Green’ Policies By A Retired Climate Researcher
I was recently asked to give my two cents on why Australia is proudly reigning at “level zero” in the ‘green’ hydrogen game. Though I politely passed on the opportunity, I couldn’t resist clarifying things myself
Let’s be honest, it’s not just ‘green’ hydrogen where we’re achieving that prestigious “zero” level.
Australia seems to have turned this into a nationwide sport: high-speed rail, cutting-edge manufacturing, medical innovation—pick a field, and we’ve probably perfected the art of doing absolutely nothing about it.
So, what’s the reason behind this? It might be our illustrious leaders, affectionately known as “the Beagle Boys,” though more fitting nicknames like “crooks” or “clowns” often get tossed around.
These brilliant minds have turned their incompetence into a fine art, with a well-trained team of bureaucrats whose talent for achieving the exact opposite of their objectives is nothing short of breathtaking.
It’s as if our leadership team sat down, read Orwell’s 1984, and thought, “Hey, that’s a manual!” Whether it’s medical research, energy policy, or environmental issues, they’ve seemingly adopted this dystopian classic as their guidebook, giving them the uncanny ability to meddle in every sector.
Take ‘green’ hydrogen, for example. The Beagle Boys made grand promises, hyped it up like it was the next Vegemite, and then expertly redirected the funds to their mates—who, naturally, have been busy doing absolutely nothing.
After years of talking big, they’ve decided we don’t actually need ‘green’ hydrogen. Meanwhile, China has been busy producing 76 percent of the world’s green hydrogen.
China’s also laid down 36,000 kilometers of high-speed rail, while Australia boasts a grand total of… zero meters. But hey, at least our potholes are evolving daily.
With the pace and cost of progress here, the Egyptian pyramids would still be under construction. The Pharaohs might have gone extinct before even finishing the first stage.
In the medical world, China is advancing with CAR-T cell therapy trials, while Australia? Well, we were doing something promising… until the last millennium. Then some brilliant bureaucrat decided CAR-T therapy was worse than chemo (with zero evidence to back it up), so that’s off the table too.
Apart from our mining sector (and let’s not forget the genius move of restricting local gas use while exporting coal and gas as if we’re in a race to global warming), agriculture, and our rather dubious international student program (which some call student smuggling or new citizen smuggling), I’m hard-pressed to think of any area that requires more than two brain cells of actual leadership.
On the topic of higher education, the struggle between liberal and labor—whether to import students or refugees from roughly the same countries—may have found a new solution.
The cap on international students seems poised to hurt the serious universities (some say eight) and benefit the dodgy ones (all the others). And just to add a cherry on top, one of Australia’s worst politicians, Bill Shorten, has been appointed vice-chancellor of a public university.
Who knows what’s next? Maybe walking into a hospital and finding not only someone sponsored by a politician but the politician himself operating the scalpel.
But hey, the real achievement is running “prison island” with minimal complaints. Just remember to keep things politically correct, even if you’re completely off the mark.
And, of course, always say the opposite of whatever you’re actually doing.
That’s the Australian way.
About the author: Dr Albert Parker is a retired professional engineer and climate researcher who has published over 120 peer-reviewed papers and obtained his M.Sc. in Mechanical Engineering and Ph.D degree (three years’ program) in Energy Engineering from the University of Florence, Florence, Italy (1978-88).
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High speed rail is stupid, long term. It locks you into enormous, expensive, inflexible infrastructure that can’t easily be rerouted or have its capacity upgraded due to changing conditions. Anyone who is talking up high speed rail is a grifter.
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