FLASHBACK FUNNY: “Shut Up, Conspiracy Theorist!!!”
FROM 2014: A public service announcement on how to talk to conspiracy theorists. Brought to you by the Friends of the Department of Homeland Security, the Information Awareness Office, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, the President’s Working Group on Financial Matters, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Rhodes roundtable group and the Bohemian Club
TRANSCRIPT
They walk among us. They breathe our air. Shop at our stores. Drive on our streets.
They are conspiracy theorists, people who make the outrageous claim that people in positions of power conspire to consolidate and expand that power.
Their notions are absurd, their pronouncements are insane and their ideas are dangerous.
As a civilization, we have moved beyond giving hemlock to those who would corrupt our young. In this day and age we just respond to them in a firm and dismissive manner, making clearly visible to all in the immediate area that this person is a conspiracy theorist and not to be debated with.
Resident expert and 30-year CIA operations officer Dewey Clarridge demonstrates:
DEWEY CLARRIDGE: Don’t give me the conspiracy [ __ ]. Come on! You’re a more intelligent man than that.
DINOSAUR MEDIA TOADIE: Well . . .
CLARRIDGE: Come on, come on! I mean, come on. This . . . There has never been a conspiracy in this country!
This is how to respond to a conspiracy theorist: quickly, firmly and disparagingly.
To simplify, let’s reduce the response to this: “Shut up, conspiracy theorist!”
Observe:
HILLARY CLINTON: I mean, let’s remember here: the people we are fighting today we funded 20 years ago.
Shut up, conspiracy theorist!
BILL GATES: You know, is spending a million dollars on that last three months of life for that patient . . . would it be better not to lay off the those 10 teachers and to make that trade off in medical costs? But that’s called the death panel and you’re not supposed to have that discussion.
SOURCE: Bill Gates: End-of-Life Care vs. Saving Teachers’ Jobs
Shut up, conspiracy theorist!
MIKE RUPPERT: I will tell you Director Deutch, as a former Los Angeles police narcotics detective, that the agency has dealt drugs throughout this country for a long time.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
SOURCE: Former LA Police Officer Mike Ruppert Confronts CIA Director John Deutch on Drug Trafficking
Shut up conspiracy theorist,
For variety, the eminently rational Penn and Teller present an alternative response.
PENN JILLETTE: We’re Penn and Teller and conspiracy theories are [ __ ]!
Good job, boys!
Let’s try again.
MICHAEL MEACHER: If there is any conference which required transparency, which required democratic accountability, it is the Bilderberg conference.
Shut up, conspiracy theorist!
GEORGE W. BUSH: Let us never tolerate outrageous conspiracy theories concerning the attacks of September the 11th.
SOURCE:
Good job, Mr. President!
ZBIGNIEW BRZEZINSKI: I don’t believe in this notion of some sort of secret societies controlling people . . .
[GREEN CHECK MARK APPEARS ON SCREEN]
BRZEZINSKI: . . . but of course in any political system there are sort of over-the-table and under-the-table arrangements.
SOURCE: Q & A with Zbigniew Brzezinski
Shut up, conspiracy theorist!
BILL CLINTON: What do you want me to talk about?
[INAUDIBLE QUESTION FROM AUDIENCE MEMBER ABOUT “9/11” AND “FRAUD”]
A fraud? No, it wasn’t a fraud, but I’ll be glad to talk to you if you shut up and let me talk.
[GREEN CHECK MARK APPEARS ON SCREEN]
CLINTON: The United States government actually did carry out on our citizens experiments involving radiation. In one experiment, scientists injected plutonium into 18 patients without their knowledge. In another, doctors exposed indigent cancer patients to excessive doses of radiation, a treatment from which it is virtually impossible that they could ever benefit.
Shut up, conspiracy theorist!
MEDIA STOOGE: Were US government officials aware of drug smuggling in and around the Contra movement and did they simply choose to ignore it? One US senator says “absolutely.”
JOHN KERRY: There’s no question in my mind there is a complicity in the flow of drugs into this country. Period.
Shut up, conspiracy theorist!
ANDREW MEYER [TO JOHN KERRY]: Also, were you a member of Skull and Bones in college with Bush? Were you in the same secret society as Bush? Were you in Skull and Bones? [MIC CUT] Thank you for cutting my mic! Thank you!
[. . .]
Are you gonna arrest me? Excuse me! Excuse me, what are you arresting me for? [LED BY THE ARM BY SECURITY] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
[. . .]
Don’t tase me! I didn’t do anything!
[TASED BY SECURITY]
This public service announcement was brought to you by the Friends of the Department of Homeland Security, the Information Awareness Office, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, the President’s Working Group on Financial Matters, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Rhodes roundtable group and the Bohemian Club.
And remember: ignorance is str—
Shut up, conspiracy theorist!
See more here substack.com
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