Attraction, Love, Sex: The Inside Story by Simon LeVay

Written by For the Novel Lovers on November 4, 2023. Posted in Current News

Book Review

Title: Attraction, Love, Sex: The Inside Story by Simon LeVay

Genre: Science, Psychology

Rating: 5 Stars

The opening to Attraction, Love, Sex was interesting as Simon LeVay in the opening chapter, questions why we even engage in sex in the first place and has a more complicated answer than you might expect.

When US college students were asked, they came up with a variety of reasons except procreation whereas the Aka hunter-gather tribe didn’t understand that there were reasons for having sex outside procreation. LeVay dives deeper – looking into the differences between sexual and asexual reproduction; asexual reproduction being less demanding and more effective than sexual reproduction.

But the majority of mammals – including humans – reproduce sexually and haven’t gone extinct thereby we may infer there must be a reason for this type of reproduction to persist in nature. There are two leading theories for this, The Red Queen theory, and the Rubies in the Rubbish theory.

I won’t go into detail on them but the Rubies theory has a little more weight since it states that the way genes are combined to increase good mutations and depose bad mutations might be the key but there are still many grey areas that need looking into.

Chapter two focuses on attraction, and LeVay dives into the methods and motivations of attraction in both humans and non-humans. Animals use more of their senses to seek out a mate than humans. Although, there has been some research into humans using their sense of smell to determine attractiveness, these are nonetheless inconclusive.

Humans primarily uses their eyesight to ascertain attractiveness, and this is seen in multiple studies. In one such study participants were presented with various images of faces – many that were classified as mixed race were rated the most attractive reinforcing the idea that gene mixing determines attractiveness.

In another study done on weight it was found that environmental and cultural factors played a huge role in determining attractiveness. In Western cultures women with a BMI on the lower end of the normal range was the most attractive but in countries with food scarcity those with higher BMI’s were more attractive. Now LeVay makes the distinction between attraction and arousal which is covered in the next chapter.

Chapter three focuses on arousal, where the author makes the distinction that attraction is semi-conscious while arousal is an almost unconscious response to stimuli. Studies on the human brain have determined most of the areas responsible for arousal but this list isn’t complete as many areas of the brain work in tandem with other areas to complete a single task.

LeVay describes the high and low roads in humans, the high road is consciousness and requires you to react and respond to stimuli, while the low road doesn’t, and it is the low road that is responsible for most arousal since it is the faster of the two routes.

While some studies on arousal have been conducted on humans, the areas of the brain that need to be examined pose difficulty, so we look at similar studies performed on animals, specifically mice. It was found that two different types of gene expression were found in male mice which changed their course of action depending on the sex of the new mice introduced to the enclosure. If the mouse was female, one gene type would be expressed leading to mating behaviour and if the mouse was male it would lead to aggression. It has been theorised that there is a similar type of expression in humans, but this does need further study.

In chapter four, LeVay moves onto orientation. This was a chapter I was eager to get into to see LeVay’s perspective on this being a gay man himself and it turns out that orientation is both more fluid than we originally thought and is partly determined by the neurohormonal process within our bodies both during development and after birth.

LeVay first makes the statement that women tend to be more fluid in their orientation than men, but men have been known to change their orientations later in life and examples are provided of this. When we get into the science there seems to be part of the brain and certain genes that are partially responsible for nonheterosexuality.

While some of these things are still being studies today it seems that there is some genetic predisposition to nonheterosexuality, but our environment and upbringing also plays a part in this. LeVay goes deep into these biological and neurological indicators to these types of orientation, and it was interesting to see that those who identify as lesbian or gay have physical indictors of their orientation. These statements are taken with a grain of salt since some of the studies contradict each other and many are still undergoing further investigation.

LeVay then investigates the physical act of having sexual intercourse and I was intrigued to see his views on this given what he has already covered in orientation, arousal and attraction. LeVay begins by seeking to understand the psychological reasons people engage in sexual acts and the easiest answer is because it feels good due to the flood of hormones during and after sex.

This takes us down the rabbit hole of male vs female orgasms and some of the research into this was extremely interesting despite the awkwardness of those situations. It also addresses the similarities in anatomy and the differences in how orgasm is achieved. This leads quite nicely into sexual dysfunction in both men and women. While more study and research has gone into male sexual dysfunction with the creation of Viagra, women also suffer heavily with similar issues with little relief. LeVay also briefly looks into asexual people and the potential reasons for their lack of sexual desire despite being capable physically and mentally of sexual arousal.

The following chapter looks at relationships which LeVay has avoided until now focusing on the scientific side of things. LeVay begins by looking at how we form relationships both physically and emotionally, although this doesn’t include pair bonds as he will be covering this in another chapter. The look at how we form relationships in the modern age was interesting as well as the differing perspectives on how men and women form and maintain relationships.

LeVay explains the idea of homogamy and how we tend to pick partners who are like us in terms of personality, although some studies suggest having a partner that is complementary, introverts dating extroverts, to ourselves lead to higher relationship satisfaction.

He also looks at jealousy and in heterosexual couples jealousy seems to be sex specific. This suggests that men fear cheating whereas women fear their partner having an emotional connection to someone else. Essentially men are jealous towards physical attractiveness while women are jealous towards emotional connection. This was a very interesting chapter but doesn’t cover much outside simple psychology, but we are getting into some harder topics.

The next chapter is on paraphilias – sexual behaviours that lie outside the societal norm. Paraphilias are an interesting topic especially if you have an interest in psychology or have studied it in the past as I have.

According to the DSM 5 paraphilias are no longer classified as a mental disorder unless it causes distress to the person(s) affected. While many paraphilias have become more accepted in society, LeVay does dive into how these emerge.

In most people paraphilias come to light during their first sexual experiences whether self-pleasure or sexual encounter. However, most people studied develop further paraphilias later in life which counters this early emergence. Some studies have also noted that some paraphilias can be induced through conditioning although this is debated. There also seems to be some distinction between sex since men tend to display more overt behaviour with paraphilias whereas women tend to express paraphilias through fantasy. One distressing paraphilia that LeVay doesn’t touch on in this chapter but dives into in the following chapter is paedophilia or the sexual attraction to children.

While paedophilia is classed as a paraphilia it is also the one most people think of when paraphilias are mentioned. It is still also classified as a mental disorder since it causes distress in a way other paraphilias do not. LeVay believes that paedophilia is a sexual orientation in the fact that it can’t be cured or changed. He also believes that those who identify as paedophiles but never commit offences against children deserve some measure of respect and support rather than being vilified for something they are actively fighting against. While I don’t personally agree with everything LeVay says on this, I do believe some of his points have merits in understanding how and why someone is a paedophile and how we can provide support and guidance to these individuals especially those that don’t commit offences.

LeVay then turns his attention to pornography, something very mainstream in the modern age but it can be something that can cause a lot of issues. Porn has become something completely normal, and most people have or do consume pornographic content on a regular basis. LeVay explains that statistically men consume more porn than women, but this is a biased number since the form of content is different.

Men tend to watch videos while women use literature or auditory content. He also goes into the benefits and harms of consuming porn and evidence is conflicted on this. Some say that consuming porn is harmful as it increases violence against women, but most studies prove the opposite as those more likely to commit sexual offences have an outlet through porn that they otherwise might not have. However, sexual crimes including rape are a major issue in modern society and this is what LeVay is covering next.

His chapter on rape doesn’t actually go into many of the psychological effects of rape on its victims but rather he chooses to focus on why rapes occur which is a question asked quite often. The scientific evidence is torn on the reasons for rape occurring as some believe it might be genetic or evolutionary in nature since similar events happen in nature, but others firmly believe it is social in nature meaning there is no inherent cause of it, people just want to do it.

For what it is worth, I personally believe it is more likely some combination of the two where a person if genetically predisposed to sexual crimes or violent crimes and combined with a social element like rejection might lead to rapes occurring. LeVay does also touch on both the short- and long-term effects people have after rape and sexual assault as well as many different treatment options.

The final chapter of the book focuses on love, and we know from an earlier chapter that LeVay will be looking at pair bonds. LeVay discusses primarily pair bonds in animals and how we know through experimentation that they actually have a slightly different brain structure and response to hormones than animals that don’t pair bond.

Pair bonding in nature is quite rare and very few animals do it which might explain something of human behaviour. While human can and do pair bond many scientists believe that it is not in human nature to do so making us outliers like these animals in nature. While the reasoning behind pair bonding in animals and humans is still unknown, the main thought is that it is to do with the securing of resources and stability for future offspring which makes sense. Overall, I found LeVay’s book to be insight and cover aspects of these topics that aren’t often discussed and if you are interested in psychology then I’d highly recommend checking it out.

Buy it here:

Paperback/Hardcover: amazon.co.uk                              amazon.com

Kindle Edition: amazon.co.uk                                    amazon.com

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