The Slayers’ Greenhouse Gas Elevator Pitch
When Slayer meets lukewarmer: We meet by chance in the atrium of a luxury hotel – and why not, as nowadays we’re flush with all the cash we Climate Skeptics are paid by Big Oil.
Whilst waiting for the Elevator, I remark about the scorching weather outside – and say, with an ironic smile, that “it’s probably due to Global Warming”.
Never shy to miss a trick to say that the whole Global Warming thing is an entire scam, you introduce yourself to me as Lord Lukewarmer, a prominent promoter of very mild greenhouse gas warming.
I look back in amazement. I say: “Ah, you’re one of the guys who keep selling the “elevator pitch” and challenged the Slayer community to come up with their own Elevator pitch. Wait, let me see if I remember, it goes something like;…..
The [radiative] “greenhouse effect” works as follows:
- The surface of the earth emits energy in the form of thermal longwave radiation.
- Some of that energy is absorbed by greenhouse gases (GHGs) in the atmosphere.
- In turn, some of that absorbed energy is radiated by the atmosphere back to the surface.
- As a result of absorbing that energy from the atmosphere, the surface is warmer than it would be in the absence of the GHGs.
At this point, the elevator door opens and we both walk inside, to be greeted by the Elevator attendant. “Good afternoon, Gentlemen, what floor would you like?”. I respond, by saying “to the restaurant please”, and you nod in agreement. “Ah, to ‘The Top of the World’ it is then”, the Elevator attendant says as he pressed the button for the twentieth floor. The doors close and we start our ascent.
Trying to pass a joke I say “I hope not, we’re not suitably dressed – it’s 215 Kelvin at the top of the atmosphere, and we’re in shorts and tee shirt – it’s was so hot outside this afternoon it’s been melting the tarmac in the car park”.
We’ve now passed the fifth floor and we keep going. Trying to impress the Elevator attendant, I say: “Did you know the average surface temperature of the Earth is 288K – allegedly it should only be 255K but the radiative Greenhouse effect makes sure it’s 33oC warmer that it otherwise should be – the theory relies upon a negative reality inversion to transfer heat from a colder object back the warmer Earth’s surface – fortunately the Elevator attendant knew I was messing around.
By now we’ve passed the tenth floor, and I’m on a roll. Still trying to impress, I say: “Actually, that difference, between 288K at the bottom of the atmosphere, and the 215K at the top of the atmosphere, that’ s caused by the adiabatic lapse rate: a negative temperature gradient which is the result of Gravity, atmospheric density and the Specific Heat Capacity of the constituent components of Earth’s atmosphere”.
By now we’ve passed the fifteen floor: And now I get a bit cheeky and ask the Elevator attendant if he might be able to figure out the effective temperature of the Earth, if viewed from a satellite in space above the Earth. “I don’t know” and continued, a few seconds later with “…but I had Rice Pudding for lunch at the Restaurant where you guys are going to right now, so if I was going to have a stab I’d say 255K”.
We arrive at the twentieth floor and we both get out, a bit stunned and both of us wondering what the Chef must be putting in his Rice Pudding!
We decide to eat together. I mean, why not – the elevator ride was interesting, and dinner (actually the pudding) may be even more so.
Eventually, it’s time for the dessert course, and we both walk over to the dessert trolley to take a closer inspection. To our disappointment, the Rice Pudding looked none to appetising, it must have been out on display for ages, the milk all soaked up into the rice. But, undeterred, we each selected it – keen to discover its secret ingredients of wisdom.
It was you that took the first tentative taste, from the top of the pudding, skin and all, and you said “Aah, I thought so, it’s stone cold, what a pity”.
Being rather bolder, I dived (they say “dove” over there and that’s gotta be wrong) in with my spoon right to the bottom and put it all in my mouth. ”Aaaagh, it’s burnt my mouth. Bugger! That rice, it’s really hot at the bottom, the stuff that’s touching the stoneware dish that it’s been in.
That’s when I you said: “I bet the temperature of the Rice pudding, somewhere in the middle will be the temperature we’re looking for”. To which I responded “What, something like 255K by any chance?”.
On the way down we each tipped the Elevator attendant $100. Why not, he’d solved the “mystery” of the “unaccounted 33oC” in a single hour’s lunch-break. When the satellite is sensing the temperature of that rice pudding, it’s the whole pudding it’s looking at, not just the top, or just the bottom, nor the hottest nor the coldest area for that matter, but the average of the entire system – the 255K has been there all the time as the system average for the earth’s effective temperature (and yet nowhere does it actually exist because it’s only an average), but nonetheless the Earth’s surface is at 288K – we know that because we can measure it – and it has never needed the RGHE to keep it there.
PS: I did notice that the Elevator attendant had a self-assured smile. Perhaps it was the $200 dollars we’d tipped him but perhaps not. I did notice that his name badge said “Rel Lez”, so one day I might go back and ask him if ever I manage to find him.